To the Editor:

May 11

Litchfield’s notorious and dreaded taste police are at it again. This time the Borough of Litchfield’s Hysteric District Commission has a problem with solar panels on the west-facing roof of the town garage because the allegedly non-colonial panels would be visible from Russell Street. Non-colonial? Perish the thought! From Russell Street? Pristine Russell Street with a hulking eighteenth-century cinder-block-and-steel building and industrial rock piles and huge steel Georgian snowplows contributing to the street’s authentic, undeniable colonial ambiance? Give me a bloody break! The taste police are colonial purists when it suits them. And they’re great at rationalizing when it doesn’t. And, for that matter, when it does.

The Hysteric District Commission’s motto: When you have the power, abuse it.

Remember how the borough’s taste gauleiters have through the six decades of their malignancy made colossal asses of themselves over insignificant little trifles like window boxes and door removals? How they were bought off for $75,000? How they’re currently costing borough taxpayers $800,000?

The town would do well to ignore the borough Hysteric District Commission and just do what’s best for the town. Damn the borough and full speed ahead! With the precedent having been set over a decade ago by a private party (even after she had prevailed in the state trial and appellate courts and was likely to make it a hat-trick with the state supremes), the town could be charitable and slip the needy borough a few thou to buy a coveted certificate of appropriateness. But it won’t have to.

Because if the town were to do the right thing and tell the less-than-useless Hysteric District Commission where to get off by installing the solar panels without a certificate of appropriateness, given the HDC’s abysmal track record in state and federal courts, it’s doubtful—but not impossible, mind you, given their inestimable hubris—the borough’s hysteric gauleiters would dare litigate the heinous aesthetic offense and guarantee yet another unconscionable legal bill.

After all, before they consider indulging the Hysteric District Commission in yet another costly pissing contest, the borough’s voters and taxpayers still haven’t approved the budget to pay off the $800,000 ambulance-chaser fees ordered by the federal court . . .

Yours faithfully,

Paul Mordecai Rosenberg